


The Weight Of Living

by PrincessOfHell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-10
Packaged: 2018-02-24 20:38:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2595683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessOfHell/pseuds/PrincessOfHell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tag to 'Swan Song'. "There's an albatross around your neck, All the things you've said, and the things you've done, Can you carry it with no regrets, Can you stand the person you've become?" When all you love is taken from you, where do you stand? Dean's POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Weight Of Living

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sandra Kramer](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Sandra+Kramer).



I can feel he tears cascade down my bloody face… the cuts stinging when touched by the salt and grounding me from the pain that is engulfing me from within, screaming at me to jump into the pit with my little brother… screaming at me to help him…

I am distantly aware of having crawled to the place where the rings lie burning, looking at them… searching for a way to bring my Sammy back.   
My eyes are swelling shut and all the bruises and cuts act like a threadbare blanket of comfort…. My last gifts from Sam…

A shadow is falling over me and when I turn back, I see the sympathetic and somewhat sad face of Castiel…   
I must be going insane because there’s no way he’s alive after having been killed by Lucifer.

“Cas” I hear myself say and I vaguely hear him say “I’m sorry, Dean” over the sound of my Sammy’s screams in my head… His fingers are approaching my forehead and I want to duck, to move away because I know he’s going to heal my wounds but I don’t want him to because they are my last gifts from Sam. The last things he gave me, even though he wasn’t in control of himself. The last things he gave me that will scar and at least in that way, I will have a piece of Sam with me… a part that stays in my scars…

But when I feel the cool touch of Cas’ grace flow through my battered body, that hopes crumbles like everything around me…

He’s gone now… completely…

My gaze falls on Bobby now, to seeing if he survived just like Cas did but he’s still limp… lifeless… with his neck twisted in an awkward angle and pink blood splashed and crusted on his cheek. Then, Castiel enters my field of vision, crouching down by Bobby’s head and reviving him. Another ray of hope ignites in me… Everyone is coming back to life, so maybe…  
And I look at Castiel with hope sparkling in my eyes and when he refuses to meet them, I feel another ray die… 

Another twinge from inside my body makes me look down at my chest… it’s coming from my heart… or at least, the place it’s supposed to be at. Now though… it’s just an empty void… endless and crippling… 

My heart’s in the cage with my Sammy… trying to shield him from the pain that is being inflicted on him… 

I can hear his screams ringing in my ears… calling my name with a tone that always said ‘help me, Dean’ and it’s taking all I have left, and that’s the promise I gave Sam, keeping me from reopening the cage and pulling my little brother into my arms because that’s what he is… my little brother…Though there is no way possible for me to be hearing his voice and screams, I still can… and I feel another part of me die everytime I hear his cries… his anguish… his pain…   
I can feel the tunes of my brother’s distress, mocking me… laughing at me… at my helplessness…   
Tears flow down my cheeks again and there’s a weight pulling me down… that’s choking me and sobs tear out of my throat… 

 

I cannot do this… I cannot live without him…   
I don’t have it in me to go on without him… I have to get him back… Because I’m not Dean without my Sam… and he’s not Sam without me…   
I want my little brother back…

 

Before the cold manages to freeze my insides, the last drop of tear falls down my face… 

“How could you ask this of me, Sammy?”


End file.
